A letter to you

Time has passed quietly. All of a sudden it has been 5 years since you left.

I wonder why the memory about you is so vivid. Did what we have gone through just happened yesterday? Even the shoe shelf is gone, the pictures that we assembled it together is still sharp. The posture that you read, your placidness, the trail of tears on your face find their safe places deep in my memory.

The afternoon I was squatting by the side of your bed, holding your hand, wordless, remains eidetic. I could almost hear the background noise of the day--- car brakes, poppings from golf balls and children's laughter. Time was still. We were so closed, almost like I was still part of your womb. Did you actually leave, perennially?

Yet more often the gap between us was unmeasurable. After years of education in the US, fully developed in philosophical, scientific, sentimental, frigid and sometimes temperamental nature, even the son could hardly be understood by his very mother. "So remote." Could, even cancer, hurt you more than this abysmal gap between us, the inextricable knot in your heart? What about all the family disputes right in your face? Are physical pain a piece of cake compared to all of these?

You know what. Not just you, some other pop icons also reminded me that generation passed. Anita Mui, Kwan Hoi Shan, Bao Fong joined you one after the other. In this era of decadence, I am directionless. What do you have to say to me? "The dream in your heart that you want to achieve?" Money, fame, power, and even knowledge, love are nonsense. Utter meaningless!

All I am sure is that your departure make this even more meaningless.