The title might be a bit scary to read. By no means it implies that I am having terminal disease of any kind nor am I going to end my very own life. Yet the awareness that I can indeed die at anytime has been hovering in my mind recently.
So the textbook on developmental psychology is correct---men in their middle age is indeed more mindful about their own death---and to me in a sense it is the ultimate realization that negative things do happen around us and on us. No longer do I believe that our society is built on a perfect system without any design flaw or human error. In the macro sense, communism is proven not working. Now we gradually see that capitalism also could break down in front of this gigantic financial tsunami. On the other extreme, any mistake on food addictive that we put into our stomach everyday could kill us. Anything simply can go wrong at anytime and the worst thing that can happen is that we could die, at very unexpected time.
I still don't know how this realization would affect my own thinking and behavior, but I gradually appreciate even more my interaction with people around me as I am more aware that they do not live forever as well. If any of us could leave at anytime, then would it not aid us to forgive about others' offense? In death there is simply no calculation. It simply turns existence into nothingness. The people you met yesterday is forever gone. We can continue to love or to hate people or things that do not exist, but the dead could never talk back. If so, aren't we just playing games on us? Realizing death of ourselves or others could be imminent might therefore help us to 'let go."
At least I do hope that is the case.