A World Tumbled

The prelude of my faith bankruptcy, or faith re-construction, began with the parable of the sower in Matthew 13:1-9. In the scripture, there were seeds that produced 30 times. Some others were left on the thorns. Still others fell on rocky grounds.

Was that a summary of people's lives? What if at times one is producing 30 times and at other times he is enjoying thorns? Gosh! How would I be sure that one day I would not go back to the thorns or rocky grounds even it seems that I am producing something?

Beliefs established through teachings and subjective interpretations and God's touches will ultimately be tested against empirical or personal experience. Comflict emerges as reality does not match with the conventional beliefs. The outcome is a sense of unrealness and unreliability. As conflicting experience is accumulated, faith is stretched.

As for me, faith has been being stretched. What was more was that an idea back in the mind was beckoning, "God is not trustworthy. He is cheating you. See what you've got by serving Him? Leave Him." It was not a voice for voice might appear as someone was speaking to me. No, that was not the case. But that concept spiralled, piercing not just my mind but also my faith.

So the end of the world means: firmly believing in God and later finds out maybe perhaps He's not so believable or trustworthy. A world tumbled.