I see depth, on all things and at all times.
Tapping the motivations and/or deep meaning behind one's thought/saying or things' appearance/occurrence is an automatic, effortless, and mostly enjoyable process. Going deeper and revealing "the truth" (if there is one) has been an intrinsic propensity. Since I was born there was great interest in understanding
everything around me, regardless the subject matters. I wonder how much genetic/personality factors have played its role in shaping the "me" today.
Simply coming up with a new perspective on any subject matters is already a pleasurable experience. The constant influx of new information and new perspectives that keeps telling me that "what I know is so limited and possibly untrue" are the fundamental motivation for me to go further to unveil the deeper truth, whether it is about religious matter or psychology or investment. This has happened and will continue to happen because there are so much in the world that I do not know. From another perspective, there is unlimited sources of joy. Hitting the "correct answer" would surely give me great satisfaction. Yet coming close to an answer is also as gratifying.
The package comes with seeing depth is loneliness, in the form of not being able to be understood. The further one goes, the harder for one to share his/her perspective. "I think in the way of A because of C, D, E." Yet CDE has lies their own grounds on many other beliefs/knowledge/information. Others might easily become mentally exhausted before coming close in explaining all the underlying beliefs or assumption, not mentioning all the real troublesome issue that truly bothers me on the top level. The usual comments are "why bother to think so much and so deeply that inevitably gives yourself a great deal of stress? Please simplify things and be happy"
I am sorry. But if that's "me," there is simply no easy way to deny myself without causing equally stressful experience, right?
I will continue my voyage to the "truer truth" albeit it might appear as foolish as wrestling with God just as Jacob did. God will surely surrender me with as little as a finger touch. Yet with my bestowed quality even before I was born, the is
my way of knowing Him. After much struggles I might proclaim like Thomas, "My Lord and my God!"
